Saturday, October 15, 2011

An Outing in Two Acts: Act II

I run upstairs and take the portable phone off the charger and shut myself in the sun porch, a room that used to be an open air porch that was closed in but never heated.  No one came out there unless they wanted to put more pop in the refrigerator.  Since it was around 10 at night, that was unlikely enough.  Finally the phone rang.

Just hearing his voice was enough to make my heart race.  It was exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time.  He was sweet, and funny, and everything I imagined.  We talked about how strange it was to put a voice with the words.  I don't think we'd even seen pictures of each other at that point.  He was an absolute sweetheart though.  That's when my mother opened the door.

She asked what I was doing out here.  I told her that I was talking with someone.  She looked a little confused, and asked who I was talking to.  I said a friend.  She said, which one.  I said another time with a stern look on my face, a friend.  She got the message and left. That should have been a hint right there.

So we kept talking until the phone started to beep, which meant the battery was almost dead.  I didn't want the phone call to end.  This was the happiest I'd been in 19 years, and I wasn't about to let it end because of an old portable phone. I took the phone from the living room and ran the cord across the living room and into the den, running the cord under the crack in the door.  I took the phone of the switch hook and put the now dead portable phone back on the receiver in my parent's room.  

I came back downstairs and we talked for another hour or so.  He told me all about his life, and I about mine.  I told him about hopes, fears, and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I just felt so at ease with him.  I had never had the chance to talk with anyone else like this, ever.  He was interested in me, and what I did and what I was doing.  Finally, we talked about him coming to visit.  I told him that it wouldn't be a problem for me, and I could just tell my mother that he was a friend from the college where I was going, so she wouldn't even know.  He would have to stay in a hotel in town though.  He and I talked more about it, but now that we could talk, we figured it might be better to wait for the planning until later, like around spring break or something.  We said our goodbyes and hung up. 

Another thing I should mention was that the phone I had chosen was supposed to have a security function on it, where if anyone picked up the phone, the light for the line would dim.  It had always worked before, and it's specifically why I chose that phone. I even told my friend about it when he asked me if I was worried about anyone listening in.  I told him I wasn't too concerned. 

I was absolutely thrilled that night.  I felt like I could do anything.  Since I lived in the middle of nowhere, I ended up watching TV with my brothers.  My mother came upstairs to say goodnight, and she made a point to tell us all that she loved us and kiss all three of us.  That should have been a sign that something was up, but it was maybe just a coincidence.  She also stayed up to see my dad when he came home.  My mother was usually in bed by 9:30.  My father usually never got back from work until midnight.  Hint number 2 annoyed.  It should have been pretty obvious when she whispered something to Dad with a panicked look on her face before she went upstairs, but I was still partially in denial, and still partially just too happy to care.  I do remember telling myself before I went to bed that if she did know, it was too late to worry about it now.

This had all happened on a Friday, so on Saturday morning my father was the first awake.  It took about a half an hour for him to ask me about it.  He explained that yes, my mother had listened in on my phone call last night.  I spent probably about an hour denying it before I finally just said, you know what.  I am.  I still don't know why I spent so long denying it.  I felt better afterwards though.  My father had two things to say about it.  First and foremost, I needed to be careful.  Not only were there physical dangers, but more so there were a lot of diseased out there.  (He's a nurse, go figure that would be his first concern.)  Second, he thought that maybe we shouldn't say anything to Mom about it, and just say that everything was resolved.

The day was pretty calm, and I was up on the computer as usual when the phone rings.  "So I hear you're gay, and you're running away to Minnesota, never to see any of us again!"  It's my sister.  My mother had called her apparently last night, in a panic.  My sister was calling back to find out how much of it my mother had embellished, she has a tendency to do that.  I explained the situation as it was, and she said she figured that it was more reasonable than what my mother had decided.  So everything was fine there.  She said she was happy for me, and that she loved me.  

The last great hurdle that day was my mother.  She and I talked about it though, and her biggest concern was that I was going to run away and she'd never see me again.  Just for some perspective, after living through 15 years of schooling, she thought I was going to drop out of high school a half a year before I finished to run away with some guy I'd never met.  I had already been accepted into college, so come on.  Seriously.  She said she loved me though, and my being gay didn't matter to her in the least.  So that's now everything resolved nicely for me.  

Things haven't been easy all the time, but I wouldn't trade my life now for anything else.  There's more to the story, but I'll talk about that another time.  I also have some stories about subway fun, but I guess I'll talk about that later.  


  1. wow....amazing...but wonderful too :)

  2. Thanks Jason! I'm always glad to know that people find what I'm posting interesting! :-)

  3. I'm glad you made it through that moment. Mine was far worse - so whenever I hear of someone who makes it through the passage in relative ease, it makes me feel good.

    One my end it was all high theatrics. my mothers screamed, she hit me and I left the house - it was all very Tennessee Williams. It was something that we didn't discuss for the longest time - five years.

    My father on the other hand was a horrible fiend and he saw my coming out as a means by which he could makes some money. It was 1983 and men were dying of AIDS left and right. So the bastard took out life insurance policies on me and named himself as beneficiary. I never forgave him for that when I found out what he did.

    My mother and I enventually got to a place where it was accepted, not embraced. When I started dating and then later publically committed to my husband, she met his folks and the family and everything became OK, because they were OK with it.

  4. Ugh, I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your parents, especially your father. It's sad that people would actually want to profit off the death of their own children.

    Your mother actually sounds a little more similar to mine. I left out the part that my mother has severe anxiety problems and is highly passive aggressive. These came back to bite me in the ass later. but, que sera sera.

  5. First: Scary story! You really built quite a high tension in the way you told the story from the moment your mom came to ask you who you were talking to and so forth... I was like "Oh No!" and then again, "Oh no!" a few couple more time, imagining the worst scenario possible before I reached the climax and everything fell nicely into place. Phew! :)

    Second: Yet, I find it sad that your mother invaded your privacy like that and to me, her fragile emotional condition doesn't excuse her action. It explains it, but doesn't not excuse it. I couldn't put my trust in someone like that. My dad also invaded my privacy: I had left a letter from my future-to-be partner on my desk, open and unfolded: it was just lying there. Dad saw it and read it. There were unfortunately (for him) not enough evidence of my crime to prosecute me (!) but he told my mom about it. Thank god, my mom literally scold my dad telling him that he'd better not do this again!

    @ Cookie: Sad to hear your story. Yet I guess it must have given you, in some way, the will to live just so that b***** would lose all the money he invested on you. My father tried to pass me as "intellectually deficient" on his income tax! But it didn't work. God was my Mom angry when she learned it. Angry is not strong enough...
    My parents are separated now!

    Thanks again tamayn for sharing your story.

  6. My mother and I have a very tenuous relationship. She and I are more similar than I care to admit. The difference is that I've tried to work on it. In our family we find it easier to say that's how Mom is and work around it. I love my mother but now that I've had my freedom we could never spend more than a week together. A weekend I can do, but more than that and we'd murder each other.

  7. Tamayn, wait a second, you are gay?! =P glad your mom was more concerned with your education then with you being gay. although, if i were your mom i might be afraid about you meeting someone off the internet.

  8. I wouldn't have had to meet someone off the internet maybe if I lived in oh, I don't know, Columbus. I would have loved to be able to meet someone in my school, or in person, but that would probably result in a beating. Keep in mind, Defiance is always about 5 years behind the rest of the world.