Monday, October 3, 2011

All Apologies....

First, I should mention that I have already commented on this on my livejournal a while back.  Here's that if you want to read.  It seems lately as though the entire world is becoming a fan of what I like to call "the conditional apology."  I find this to be completely unacceptable as when you apologize, you are saying what you did was wrong.  You are not saying that it is conditional upon someone being offended.

The most recent example has been in the case of Patty Stanger, perhaps better known as "The Millionaire Matchmaker."  Recently, on an episode of Watch What Happens Live she had the gall to tell one gay man that gay men were incapable of monogamy, that she's tried to make gay people monogamous (the gall of that statement right here) but it didn't work.  Andy Cohen, being gay himself, objects to her comment, to which Stanger responds, "When's the last time you had a boyfriend.  You know this.  You're gay!"

Of course, this all blows up and starts a firestorm of media, at least in the circles I frequent.  Stanger decides that the solution is to go on The Joy Behar Show and attempt to make amends.  Now, I will admit that with her clarifications and in the specific conditions under which she makes it slightly better.  In my opinion, her comments are not enough to solve the problem.  I started to soften and see that maybe she had more of a point.  Maybe I was just being too hard on her.  Sometimes I tend to jump on things.  I realized that I was one hundred percent justified as soon as she said, "I'm sorry if GLAAD was offended, but. . . ."

Then came the famous line of excuses.  My personal favorite is when the offender trots out his or her gay friends.  "Some of my best friends are gay." is the equivalent of someone accused of racism saying they have black friends.  Either his or her friends may never have known how racist they were, or as I assume the most likely case is, he or she is talking out of his or her respective ass.  Later, Stanger referenced that she was against Proposition 8, and all the work she had done for gay rights.  As admirable as that all is, she then comports herself as an expert on how gay culture works.

Stanger proceeds to explain how gays are "the others" from all of the normal people who can couple nicely, like lesbians or straight people.  (Happily, she didn't bother to impart her wisdom on bisexual or transgender relationships for us.)  She regales us with the story of a friend who says that this is the nature of the gay community, apparently confining herself strictly to Los Angeles this time.  As further proof of the impossibility of gay monogamy, she discusses her attempts to "bring civilization to the barbarians" at one of her numerous gay mixers.   After straining herself so severely, shining beacon on a hill that she is, she simply threw in the towel, vanquished by our hedonistic natures. 

I point out the two at the time in the first article, but since then, we have had numerous examples.  One of my personal favorites was Rick Spreading Santorum, who recently spoke about his feelings at Penn State University, where the students basically had a good laugh and went on with their day.  Afterwards, he spoke publicly about his "gay friends."  I personally find it hard to believe that any self-respecting gay man would really be his friend, but well, to each his or her own.  Santorm has already followed up with his own ignorance, so at least we know that things haven't changed.

As if this weren't bad enough, we find examples of adults persecuted for whom they are.  Recently Leisha Hailey, actor in The L Word and currently a singer in Uh Huh Her was removed from a flight on Soutwest Airlines for what was described as "inappropriate behavior."  Normally, I would give the benefit of the doubt, if it weren't for the fact that the phrase "family airline" came into use by the flight attendant.  That makes parts of my mind hurt that I cannot begin to express in language of any kind.

If this were to exist in a vacuum, maybe we could overlook it, but the damage is constantly done.  Every few days seemingly almost a minimum of one per week informs us of the latest attempted suicide, and unfortunately more often than not, those times when they are completed.  As long as we keep allowing these beliefs to be circulated, we do a disservice not only to ourselves but to all members of our society really. 


8 comments:

  1. I actually saw the show with Andy(never miss him, man crush) but didnt take offense to her statement...but then the next day, wow the media grabbed hold of it and ran.....Andy on his next show made sure to tell everyone she had said sorry and explained her comment, then moved on.....

    I'm still not sure how I feel about it all? But I will say if anyone watches her show, she is a blanket offender, she seems to say what ever is in her head, without filter....I don't think she picks on one group any more than another, she just seems to be equal offender for everyone...

    As I said, not making excusses for her, still don't know what I think of it all, or her...

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  2. I have never watched an entire episode of her show, but from the scenes I saw, it was always the same. She seemed to be more interested in conforming people to her way of thinking. I think that's more what offended me, the notion of changing people, after she had just said that she supported gay people.

    Then again, I guess the people were coming to find love. I still don't really understand how changing yourself for the benefits of others is going to help one have a happy relationship in the future.

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  3. Sorry that it was a bit off topic, but this kind of ignorance bothers me. If it were an isolated incident, that's one thing, but this kind of thing seems to be catching.

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  4. I haven't seen the show... GOD I never watch tv, maybe especially because I saw too much easy, sleezy ways to get attention by provoking different groups of people. Whether it is intentionally or not is not the point here. Would someone spits cracks at Jews or at people with some kind of physical handicap on tv and get away with it?

    If you want to have a laugh, have a laugh at yourself!
    You have written a fine editorial! ;)
    Hugs
    Jon

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  5. Thanks! This is just the stuff that really bothers me. I'm possibly susceptible though. I tend to take things rather personally.

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  6. Yes, I think perhaps you meant that you would accept those kinds of blatter in private setting. But on television, one needs to be careful! That is what I believe. I can be very "offensive" in my rants when I'm amongst friends but if there is only one guy I don'T know that well, I tend to censor myself!

    Freedom of speech is a double-edged blade!
    Hugs
    Jon

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  7. I think we're all more likely to be more free in our speech among good friends, who can filter what we say and realize the point we're trying to make.

    It's hard to make a point sometimes without being partially offensive.

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